Hi. If you’ve noticed, I changed the layout of my site again. Why? I don’t know. I never know. Most of the time, I just feel like changing it. Do I ever need a reason for doing anything?
This brings up the funny subject of making decisions. I’m horrible at making up my mind, especially for certain things over others. Like, I never know what I want to eat and given multiple choices, it takes me forever to decide which dish I want. When I’m out shopping for anything, I’m the one comparing and contrasting and it takes me hours just to purchase a pair of shoes (this is even worse if I’m shopping online! It takes me days to make up my mind). Going into college, I didn’t know what to major in. Having graduated from college, I still don’t know what to major in, but I defaulted on Creative Writing because I already had the credits for it. When it comes to life and what I want to do with it, I have no idea.
I know some people might find this to be really weird and may not fully understand. I know there are people out there who know what they want and go for it all the time, who just wouldn’t understand the qualms of being undecided. My aunt is one of them. But you have to understand, sometimes it’s difficult to choose when there are just so many options.
Choosing is hard. It’s hard because there are just so many choices. When it comes to what I want to do with my life, I simply don’t know what to pick. I mean, I have an idea of what I’d like to do–I’d like to be an artist, a musician, a writer, a traveler, a filmaker, etc–but I refuse to simply choose one because I want to do all of them and I want to do them all simultaneously. I suppose that’s a bit unrealistic since my attention would be pulled twenty different ways and I’ll never grow at anything and I’ll be a jack-of-all-trade forever, but that’s what I want to do. And sometimes, I don’t want to do any of it.
Is that really so wrong? And why is indecisiveness seen as a negative trait? And on a completely separate note, why should I have a reason to do anything? Are reasons really necessary? Can’t I choose something (or not) just because?